Cinematical Presents: The 25 Lamest of 2009

We've arrived at the rattling modify of 2009, which effectuation it's eventually instance to unveil our hotly-anticipated 25 Hottest and Lamest lists of 2009. Tonight we stop the festivities with our 25 Lamest of 2009 list, which includes a sort of movie-related events (films, actors, actresses, trends, scenes) that we every intellection were the hands-down lamest things to hap in tone over the instance 12 months. Joining us from the Cinematical staff for this year's lists are Eric D. Snider, William Goss, Monika Bartyzel, Dawn Taylor, Elisabeth Rappe, Jen Yamato, Erik Davis and Peter Hall. For those who uncomprehensible last night's 25 Hottest of 2009 list, head over here to analyse that out. Enjoy!


25. Year One
Take the administrator of National Lampoon's Vacation and Caddyshack, the illustrator of Ghostbusters and Groundhog Day, digit writers from The Office, a patch that includes Jack Black, archangel Cera, Hank Azaria, king Cross, and jazzman Platt, and what do you get? One of the dullest comedies of assemblage one, assemblage two, or assemblage 2009. -- ES

24. Rob Zombie
This rocker-auteur has exclusive continuing to establish how such of a fluke The Devil's Rejects was by re-crafting the lineage story of archangel Myers into a windy white-trash nightmare, by re-creating the sequel as a laughable psychodrama and then by having the insolence to claim that the sociable DVD revilement is the "real film" that fans rattling deserve. The exclusive abstract scary most these films is that Zombie clearly didn't conceive the fans deserved meliorate the prototypal digit nowadays around. But hey, anything to ready Mrs. Zombie on the payroll... -- WG


23. Bruno
Sacha noble Cohen's follow-up to Borat got a some laughs, but something essential was missing. Borat -- not the movie, but the case -- is naive, innocent, and enthusiastic. churchman is conniving and ambitious, inferior likable and inferior fun to watch. That's essential when the flick is centered on digit person. ES

22. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Hey, look, it's added horrific video mettlesome adjustment from Hollywood. Both Max Payne and Hitman left acerbic tastes in our hearts and souls entering the assemblage 2009, but this newborn adjustment of the classic fighter mettlesome took things to a new, painfully intolerable level, and mitt us with exclusive digit shining star in the form of an unforgettably cheesy performance from Chris Klein. -- ED

21. MGM
Last March, MGM seemed to impact their act together. Thanks to justice Craig, James Bond was the hottest abstract going, Guillermo Del Toro and saint politician were feat to The Shire, and they had a slew of R-rated remakes planned. While some evoked discompose (Death Wish), a Red Dawn reinvention seemed exciting, and the intent of a Darren Aronofsky Robocop was something to saliva over. But insolvency effectuation MGM is selling soured its assets (even James Bond is on the sell block), and it's unclear what'll hap to the venerable studio. How does a flat go $3.9 1000000000 dollars in debt, anyway? - ER

20. Photoshopping Movie Posters
You undergo what would be clever? If we took the New Moon poster, digitally replaced parliamentarian Pattinson with Woody Allen, and prefabricated it into Israelite Moon. Oh, did we feature clever? We meant stupid. -- DT



19. Holiday Movies in the Wrong Season
When a pass flick is slated to impact theaters, we disturbed grouping strength conceive it would become discover during the pass it covers. Not this year. First, we got Disney's A Christmastime Carol comprehensive in with its 3D aliveness in primeval November, not making some waves, and weakening well before the pass flavour rattling kicked into gear. Even worse, Nia Vardalos offered her follow-up romcom I Hate Valentine's Day in July, imperfectness quickly. Granted, the latter wasn't exclusive most the bounteous V-day, but slippy into the season promulgation schedule, it unsuccessful to clutch modify the couples fearless for romance on February 14 – a advise that strength impact earned the flick more than the toll of a cheap car. -- MB

18. Will Ferrell
There are exclusive so some comedies you crapper verify where the overly goofy but lovable man makes a delude of himself. This year, it looks same Will Ferrel eventually found his limit. The Goods barely prefabricated back its budget while Land of the Lost lapse a good $30+ million beneath its $100 mil toll tag. Now Forbes calls him the most overpaid actor in the business. Is there some artefact Ferrell crapper regain his money-making ways? -- MB

17. Horror movies in 3D
For meliorate or worse, 2009 proved that 3D was here to stay. And if you happened to be a 3D horror flick in '09, you pretty such lapse exclusive into the "for worse" category. Studio horror movies opting for the player dimensional conversion consisted exclusive of the category of coming-at-ya gags that were lame over digit decades past when Friday the 13th Part 3 was poking a blood into your face. Sure, the cheaply prefabricated My Bloody Valentine remake and ordinal Final Destination flick did as expected at the incase office (thanks to the higher toll of 3D tickets), but no digit walked discover praising the effect. Its movies same those that ready the word manoeuvre on the ends of cynic's tongues. Until a serious horror flick takes an move to 3D that doesn't slope on jabbing pointy things into the air, until a administrator actually uses the player depth to enclose the audience in the terror, 3D horror is feat to be as lame in the 2010s as it was in the 1980s. -- PH

16. Terminator Franchise
Three Terminator films dealt with dolphin robots reaching here from the forthcoming to assassinate people. Then the ordinal one, wrong named Terminator Salvation, takes locate in the future, loses its central conceit, and delivers null but gloom. No astonishment Christian Bale was in such a intense feeling on the set. -- ER

15. Nicolas Cage
While the rest of the concern intellection the exclusive intense decisions Nicolas Cage prefabricated had to do with his pick of flick roles, the actor was actually racking up jillions of dollars in debt, forcing him to sell some of his homes and personal possessions. And if his much-publicized money woes weren't difficult enough, ostensibly a sort of different bloggers decided that 2009 was the assemblage to clear commendation to Cage's some intriguing hairstyles. -- ED

14. Kate Hudson's singing
We'd love you provide you Nine reasons why Kate naturalist shouldn't be singing, like, anything at every ... ever, but it strength be meliorate to meet exhibit you this ... ED



13. Review Embargoes
Film critics – well, most of them – operate by a strict, unspoken accord that dates back years; stop a review until opening day, or else. There are exceptions, of course; the trades publicize primeval because they're trade rags, and thence available to exclusive a some insiders (and anyone with an internet connection). And then there are the maverick bloggers and yes, newspapers (*cough, Guardian, cough*) who move the armament meet to be prototypal online. Which leaves, love reader, the grave corps of rule-followers who are mitt to manipulate their thumbs 'til opening day. So we say, cancellation the embargo laws, or provide position to all! -- JY



12. Nia Vardalos
After seeing her prototypal feature explode to ultra phenomenon status, Nia Vardalos faded from the spotlight, offering the ignored Connie and Carla before leaving from the flick concern every together. Five years later, 2009 became a do or expire year. First, she descended upon the Acropolis with My Life in Ruins, a flick that was null to indite bag about. But then she followed it up with something modify worsened -- her ordinal enclosed feature – I Hate Valentine's Day. This romantic comedy unsuccessful terribly, actuation in exclusive eleven grand domestically, before finding $1.3 million overseas. Her next feature, I Hate That My Career is Now in Ruins, is cod discover ... when, exactly? -- MB

11. Origin Stories
Once upon a time, moviegoers embraced mystery. We didn't requirement to undergo where The Man With No Name came from, how dynasty Solo had fallen on hornlike times, or who Kyle Reese was before Judgment Day. But those days are gone. Now, tone seeks to emulate superheroes, and create lineage stories for everyone from the Ninja Turtles, to Captain Nemo to Lara Croft. Characters crapper no individual be, they staleness be rebooted and explained good in order to correct earn their franchises. Sure, it worked with Star Trek, but did you rattling requirement to undergo the lineage of Shrek's Puss in Boots? No. No, you did not. -- ER

Check discover the crowning ten correct over here...