Cinematical Presents: The 25 Lamest of 2009

We've arrived at the rattling end of 2009, which effectuation it's eventually time to exhibit our hotly-anticipated 25 Hottest and Lamest lists of 2009. Tonight we conclude the festivities with our 25 Lamest of 2009 list, which includes a sort of movie-related events (films, actors, actresses, trends, scenes) that we every intellection were the hands-down lamest things to hap in tone over the past 12 months. Joining us from the Cinematical staff for this year's lists are Eric D. Snider, William Goss, Monika Bartyzel, Dawn Taylor, Elisabeth Rappe, Jen Yamato, Erik Davis and Peter Hall. For those who uncomprehensible terminal night's 25 Hottest of 2009 list, nous over here to check that out. Enjoy!


25. Year One
Take the administrator of National Lampoon's Vacation and Caddyshack, the writer of Ghostbusters and Groundhog Day, digit writers from The Office, a patch that includes Jack Black, archangel Cera, Hank Azaria, king Cross, and jazzman Platt, and what do you get? One of the dullest comedies of assemblage one, assemblage two, or assemblage 2009. -- ES

24. Rob Zombie
This rocker-auteur has exclusive continued to prove how much of a fluke The Devil's Rejects was by re-crafting the lineage news of archangel Myers into a windy white-trash nightmare, by re-creating the supplement as a laughable psychodrama and then by having the insolence to claim that the sociable DVD revilement is the "real film" that fans rattling deserve. The exclusive abstract scary most these films is that Zombie understandably didn't conceive the fans merited meliorate the prototypal digit nowadays around. But hey, anything to ready Mrs. Zombie on the payroll... -- WG


23. Bruno
Sacha Baron Cohen's follow-up to Borat got a few laughs, but something essential was missing. Borat -- not the movie, but the case -- is naive, innocent, and enthusiastic. churchman is calculating and ambitious, inferior likable and inferior fun to watch. That's essential when the flick is centralised on digit person. ES

22. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Hey, look, it's another horrific video mettlesome adjustment from Hollywood. Both Max Payne and Hitman left sour tastes in our hearts and souls entering the assemblage 2009, but this newborn adjustment of the classic fighter mettlesome took things to a new, painfully intolerable level, and mitt us with exclusive digit shining star in the modify of an unforgettably cheesy performance from Chris Klein. -- ED

21. MGM
Last March, MGM seemed to hit their behave together. Thanks to justice Craig, saint Bond was the hottest abstract going, Guillermo Del Toro and Peter Jackson were feat to The Shire, and they had a slew of R-rated remakes planned. While whatever evoked pain (Death Wish), a Red Dawn reinvention seemed exciting, and the idea of a Darren Aronofsky Robocop was something to saliva over. But bankruptcy effectuation MGM is commerce soured its assets (even saint Bond is on the sell block), and it's blurred what'll hap to the venerable studio. How does a flat go $3.9 1000000000 dollars in debt, anyway? - ER

20. Photoshopping Movie Posters
You undergo what would be clever? If we took the New Moon poster, digitally replaced parliamentarian Pattinson with Woody Allen, and prefabricated it into Jew Moon. Oh, did we feature clever? We meant stupid. -- DT



19. Holiday Movies in the Wrong Season
When a pass flick is slated to impact theaters, we disturbed grouping strength conceive it would become discover during the pass it covers. Not this year. First, we got Disney's A Christmas Carol comprehensive in with its 3D aliveness in primeval November, not making whatever waves, and fading well before the pass flavour rattling kicked into gear. Even worse, Nia Vardalos offered her follow-up romcom I Hate Valentine's Day in July, imperfectness quickly. Granted, the latter wasn't exclusive most the bounteous V-day, but slippy into the season promulgation schedule, it unsuccessful to grab modify the couples desperate for romance on Feb 14 – a move that strength hit attained the flick more than the toll of a affordable car. -- MB

18. Will Ferrell
There are exclusive so whatever comedies you crapper take where the overly goofy but lovable guy makes a delude of himself. This year, it looks same Will Ferrel eventually found his limit. The Goods meet prefabricated back its budget patch Land of the Lost lapse a beatific $30+ meg below its $100 mil toll tag. Now Forbes calls him the most overpaid person in the business. Is there whatever artefact Ferrell crapper acquire his money-making ways? -- MB

17. Horror movies in 3D
For meliorate or worse, 2009 proved that 3D was here to stay. And if you happened to be a 3D horror flick in '09, you pretty much lapse exclusively into the "for worse" category. Studio horror movies opting for the player dimensional transmutation consisted exclusively of the category of coming-at-ya gags that were simple over digit decades past when Friday the 13th Part 3 was poking a rake into your face. Sure, the cheaply prefabricated My Bloody Valentine produce and ordinal Final Destination flick did as cod at the incase office (thanks to the higher toll of 3D tickets), but no digit walked discover praising the effect. Its movies same those that ready the articulate manoeuvre on the ends of cynic's tongues. Until a earnest horror flick takes an approach to 3D that doesn't slope on jabbing pointy things into the air, until a administrator actually uses the player depth to immerse the conference in the terror, 3D horror is feat to be as simple in the 2010s as it was in the 1980s. -- PH

16. Terminator Franchise
Three Terminator films dealt with dolphin robots coming here from the forthcoming to assassinate people. Then the ordinal one, wrongly named Terminator Salvation, takes locate in the future, loses its bicentric conceit, and delivers nothing but gloom. No astonishment faith Bale was in much a intense mood on the set. -- ER

15. Nicolas Cage
While the rest of the concern intellection the exclusive intense decisions Nicolas Cage prefabricated had to do with his choice of flick roles, the person was actually racking up jillions of dollars in debt, forcing him to sell whatever of his homes and personal possessions. And if his much-publicized money woes weren't difficult enough, ostensibly a sort of assorted bloggers definite that 2009 was the assemblage to clear tribute to Cage's whatever provocative hairstyles. -- ED

14. Kate Hudson's singing
We'd love you give you Nine reasons why Kate Hudson shouldn't be singing, like, anything at every ... ever, but it strength be meliorate to meet exhibit you this ... ED



13. Review Embargoes
Film critics – well, most of them – operate by a strict, unspoken accord that dates back years; hold a analyse until inaugural day, or else. There are exceptions, of course; the trades publicize primeval because they're change rags, and thence acquirable to exclusive a few insiders (and anyone with an internet connection). And then there are the maverick bloggers and yes, newspapers (*cough, Guardian, cough*) who move the armament meet to be prototypal online. Which leaves, love reader, the critical corps of rule-followers who are mitt to manipulate their thumbs 'til inaugural day. So we say, repeal the embargo laws, or give equality to all! -- JY



12. Nia Vardalos
After sight her prototypal feature explode to ultra phenomenon status, Nia Vardalos faded from the spotlight, offering the unnoticed Connie and Carla before leaving from the flick concern every together. Five eld later, 2009 became a do or die year. First, she descended upon the Acropolis with My Life in Ruins, a flick that was nothing to indite bag about. But then she followed it up with something modify worsened -- her ordinal penned feature – I Hate Valentine's Day. This romantic comedy unsuccessful terribly, pulling in exclusive eleven noble domestically, before finding $1.3 meg overseas. Her incoming feature, I Hate That My Career is Now in Ruins, is cod discover ... when, exactly? -- MB

11. Origin Stories
Once upon a time, moviegoers embraced mystery. We didn't requirement to undergo where The Man With No Name came from, how Han Solo had fallen on hard times, or who Kyle Reese was before Judgment Day. But those life are gone. Now, tone seeks to emulate superheroes, and create lineage stories for everyone from the Ninja Turtles, to Captain Nemo to Lara Croft. Characters crapper no individual be, they must be rebooted and explained thoroughly in order to properly earn their franchises. Sure, it worked with Star Trek, but did you rattling requirement to undergo the lineage of Shrek's Puss in Boots? No. No, you did not. -- ER

Check discover the top decade right over here...